“I was so busy creating content that I forgot how to be content.”

It took me just three days shy of my 35th birthday to realize why people say “Ignorance is Bliss”. 

I mean I’ve felt it before but as I sit on the horizon of that day, I feel it even more strongly than before.

I have made the conscious choice to avoid social media. Most notifications don’t come to my phone but when they do, I often ignore them. I think the last time I checked my time on Instagram it said that I averaged something like 13 minutes per day which pales in comparison to others who I know spend far more. And to be honest most days I was at 0. 

Why have I done this? For me it allows me to be present in the moment. To forget about what everyone else is doing, what everyone else has and to truly appreciate what’s in front of me.

I don’t watch the news. I have NO idea what our COVID numbers are and in fact, as long as I stay in my little bubble, it doesn’t affect me. (Gasp) Yes, I said it!

It’s astonishing that even when we think that we are not being affected by constant messaging, we are. Hence, the reason why I know the words to songs that I have NEVER listened to on my radio or phone. No matter how much we try to avoid things, they always seem to find us where we are.

Now I know why people say, “Ignorance is bliss.” The irony of this is that as much as I dislike most of social media, in this world, you HAVE to use it. 

Prime example, if I’m planning to go somewhere, I’m reading reviews, I’m on TikTok watching videos, or I’m asking for recommendations on Facebook. In fact, the only way that I can convey the message that I’m trying to convey right now is through the internet and social media. I just see myself as being one of the ones that controls the narrative that I portray. I try to post pictures that are meaningful to me. 

Lately I have really gotten a greater appreciation for nature and the beauty that is on display for us nearly everyday but is ignored because we would rather be on our phones. Nature is my happy place. Being near the water, feeling the warm sun on my face, the wind whipping my hair all over my head, and I’m even starting to fall in love with the rain. One day, I just went outside and stood in it. How gratifying! (Never would’ve thought those words would come out of my mouth.) 

I’m learning to appreciate everything. One day I straight up called myself a brat, and I meant it. I was complaining about things not going my way and there always being something. It’s true but it wasn’t worth the air or energy or effort that I was putting into it. Nothing’s perfect in my life, nor has it ever been, but have you stood outside and watched birds fly? Today there was an ant crawling on the inside of my window. I rolled the window down to let him out and watched him immediately crawl outside. It was almost like he was thinking, “This is where I’ve been trying to go.” And for some reason, it stood out to me as the most beautiful thing, and I thought to myself, “Do ants ever think, wow this is a beautiful day?” I said, “I must be the only crazy person wondering what an ant is thinking.” 

As a content creator, and just a creative in general, I was so busy creating content, that I was forgetting to be content. The past year and a half have been so productive for me. I’ve written a book, started a podcast and a YouTube channel, been contracting for multiple companies, even traveled out of town for work, which was a first! I bought a house and started to fix it up, increased my credit, paid off my car, became a Literacy Coach, worked with teachers in several states through consulting and my work as a K-2 Community Coach, and here I was complaining because things weren’t going my way.

Then a friend from college passed away. He had been battling congestive heart failure for years and God called him home. I hadn’t seen him in some time, but his impact is still present in my life. He was my choir director while in college and his focus was always worship and having a relationship with God. 

For weeks before his passing, I had been singing so many of those songs that I hadn’t sung in years. I kept asking myself why all of those songs were coming back to me. At his homegoing service, his mom said that the last song she heard him sing was one of the songs I had been singing. It was an Israel and New Breed song, which was one of the artists that we sang frequently. The song was, “Alpha and Omega”. I immediately burst into tears thinking after all of these years of not seeing one another, we were still connected. 

I listened to all of his accomplishments: being a playwright, an actor, a singer, a teacher, and even working at Culver’s. It reminded me of the life I’ve lived, even down to him knowing sign language and using it to communicate with those who were hard of hearing in his church home. His mom, who preached his eulogy, even stated that if someone had read his obituary without looking at the dates or the picture that they would have thought he was an old man.  

Thinking about his life and even his suffering, made me think again about how much of a brat I’d been. Don’t get me wrong, I have had several scary bouts with asthma, fibroids, and had to have surgery because of the extremity of the pain, and loss of blood. This is just a portion of my story. I used to shy away, not speak up, because I worried about how others would view me. Having been through so much before I even turned 30. When I talk about my talents, my skills, and all the jobs I’ve worked from being a Lyft driver to a teacher for over 10 years, people would think I was older as well. I have never been a person who could take my life lightly because I’ve always felt so much responsibility. That also causes one to mature more quickly. But through it all, I had never been in a “why me” frame of mind until things started looking up for me. 

At that point, I started to feel like I was past the struggle. But every time I get beside myself, God sends a gentle reminder that “he rains on the just and the unjust” and when the sun rises, it doesn’t just rise on those that believe in Him. It rises on us all. That’s what draws me to nature, whether it is a gentle rain, a downpour, or an abundance of sunshine, it is one of the common denominators that brings us together. It grounds me and helps me to see that I am just one person on this planet Earth, and when I think about the universe, the galaxies, God, and the angels. I realize that there is never a reason for me to complain. Even on what seems like bad days, I go out and stand on the pier and every problem seems to be buried in the water, carried away by the clouds, or absorbed by the sunset, and I stand humbled and in awe.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

1 Timothy 6:6